In the summer of 1998, I learned an ancient Indonesian verse form, the pantoum. Its circular way with words appealed to me, much as the mandala's circular way with images has done for years. The pantoum, as I was taught, is four stanzas with lines set up as follows: 1-2-3-4, 2-5-4-6, 5-7-6-8, 7-3-8-1. One ends up where one began, knowing it for the first time, to paraphrase T.S. Eliot.
I soon began using the pantoum in my journal as a tool to reflect on events of day-to-day life. Whether visiting my mother at home shortly before she entered assisted living, discovering therapeutic horseback riding, celebrating Ed's and my 32nd anniversary, struggling with my progressing disability, helping my sisters clear out our childhood home, enjoying an early morning 3-wheeled bicycle ride, dealing with injuries from falls, watching a fern tree in my San Francisco garden, tandem biking with Ed, waiting for election returns, reflecting on how I write a poem, responding to yet another war started by the country of my birth, or celebrating 35 years of marriage to my Ed...I felt securely held within the circle cast by each pantoum.
I offer examples here as encouragement to poets and not-yet-poets to give it a try. Remember, you only have to compose 8 new lines to complete a 16 line poem!
9/6/98
Fingers
of memory turn the doorknob to my mother's house
Patsy's
starfish hand guides Patricia's knobby knuckles
The
brass doorknob gleams silky as mist-covered sun
Worn
smooth by fifty years of family and friends
Patsy's
starfish hand guides Patricia's knobby knuckles
I open
the door to rooms unchanged yet strange
Worn
smooth by fifty years of family and friends
Rooms
where Mother shuffles as memory loses hold
I open
the door to rooms unchanged yet strange
More
than a picture and voice-cluttered museum
Rooms
where Mother shuffles as memory loses hold
Her
inviting home now a risk-filled setting for falls
More
than a picture and voice-cluttered museum
The
brass doorknob gleams silky as mist-covered sun
Her
inviting home now a risk-filled setting for falls
Fingers
of memory turn the doorknob to my mother's house
9/24/98
Her silver back ripples
Ears laid back, Cricket waits
Beside the ramp on which I
stand
Cane in hand
Ears laid back, Cricket waits
I nervously eye the height
of her back
Cane in hand
Heather and Sue by my side
I nervously eye the height
of her back
A voice soothes, "Relax!"
Heather and Sue by my side
Strong hands lift me to the
saddle
A voice soothes, "Relax!"
Beside the ramp on which I
stand
Strong hands lift me to the
saddle
Her silver back ripples
10/8/98
Our marriage
is two spirals
Drawn
by a single hand
Complete
unto ourselves
Touching
in the dance
Drawn
by a single hand
Cosmos,
Goddess, Fate
Touching
in the dance
We mirror
our best and our worst
Cosmos,
Goddess, Fate
In motion
unending
We mirror
our best and our worst
Remaining
lifetime partners
In motion
unending
Complete
unto ourselves
Remaining
lifetime partners
Our
marriage is two spirals
11/22/98
My body
betrays me
Messages
missed
Connections
break down
Short-circuiting
wires
Messages
missed
I stumble
and fall
Short-circuiting
wires
My hands
curl like claws
I stumble
and fall
Ribs
crack on the tub
My hands
curl like claws
Flip-top
cans don't
Ribs
crack on the tub
Connections
break down
Flip-top
cans don't
My body
betrays me
5/7/99
Azaleas
blaze raw as setting sun
A fuzzy
brown caterpillar crawls across my lap
Crows
caw, cardinals whistle, bees buzz
I sit
on the front steps, bare feet hugging mossy brick
A fuzzy
brown caterpillar crawls across my lap
My pinafore
pocket's friend in youth
I sit
on the front steps, bare feet hugging mossy brick
Rain
drops start to splatter the walk
My pinafore
pocket's friend in youth
Today's
caterpillar leaves a shiny new trail of memories
Rain
drops start to splatter the walk
I am
at my childhood home for the last time
Today's
caterpillar leaves a shiny new trail of memories
Crows
caw, cardinals whistle, bees buzz
I am
at my childhood home for the last time
Azaleas
blaze raw as setting sun
5/30/99
Full
moon slides down the western sky
Silent
stars grow dim
Birds
awaken in song
As peonies
breathe out and in
Silent
stars grow dim
My bike
squeaks its one-note tune
As peonies
breathe out and in
I have
the world to myself
My bike
squeaks its one-note tune
Summer
spreads out before me
I have
the world to myself
A world
of dark giving way to light
Summer
spreads out before me
Birds
awaken in song
A world
of dark giving way to light
Full
moon slides down the western sky
7/8/99
Bubbles
from my wand catch currents in deceptively still air
Most
pop inelegantly on boxwood branches beside my chair
Late
sun paints spheres iridescent purple, gold, green and blue
Rainbow
hues my swollen right eye will likely choose
Most
pop inelegantly on boxwood branches beside my chair
Leaning
forward, my bruised breastbone utters a cry
Rainbow
hues my swollen right eye will likely choose
Reminders
of yesterday's swimming pool fall
Leaning
forward, my bruised breastbone utters a cry
Ephemeral
bubbles continue their flight
Reminders
of yesterday's swimming pool fall
Messengers
of joy in the now; nonchalance with what's next
Ephemeral
bubbles continue their flight
Late
sun paints spheres iridescent purple, gold, green and blue
Messengers
of joy in the now; nonchalance with what's next
Bubbles
from my wand catch currents in deceptively still air
2/8/00
Wherever she falls is sacred
ground
Sidewalk, bathtub, swimming
pool
Sacred as all is sacred
Anointed by her blood
Sidewalk, bathtub, swimming
pool
Earth and water
Anointed by her blood
Air and fire
Earth and water
To ground and heal
Air and fire
Of breath and passion
To ground and heal
Sacred as all is sacred
Of breath and passion
Wherever she falls is sacred
ground
2/29/00
Do I
stand as the fern tree stands?
Tightly-held
spiral fists at my sides
Struggling
against winter winds and rain
Nature's
call to unfurl reluctantly skyward
Tightly-held
spiral fists at my sides
Something
unbidden pries knobby fingers open
Nature's
call to unfurl reluctantly skyward
I resist
the pull inch by painful inch
Something
unbidden pries knobby fingers open
Arms
stretch wings of fuzzy green branches
I resist
the pull inch by painful inch
The
pull to grow, to fly
Arms
stretch wings of fuzzy green branches
Struggling
against winter winds and rain
The
pull to grow, to fly
Do I
stand as the fern tree stands?
5/21/00
Sun glints off the water
White sails billow in breeze
Ed and I pump with vigor
Our bike bumps over streets
White sails billow in breeze
Long-necked geese bob on waves
Our bike bumps over streets
Lawns so green my eyes ache
Long-necked geese bob on waves
Red-winged blackbird's song
trills
Lawns so green my eyes ache
Sunday noon by the lake
Red-winged blackbird's song
trills
Ed and I pump with vigor
Sunday noon by the lake
Sun glints off the water
11/8/00
We await
our tomorrow
Eyes
trained on one southeastern state
Will
the roller coaster dip or climb?
My stomach
turns in anticipation
Eyes
trained on one southeastern state
Ballot
(Pandora's) boxes to reopen
My stomach
turns in anticipation
I remember
last night's final plunge
Ballot
(Pandora's) boxes to reopen
Counters
hold our future in their numbers
I remember
last night's final plunge
Must
we ride four days or four long years?
Counters
hold our future in their numbers
Will
the roller coaster dip or climb?
Must
we ride four days or four long years?
We await
our tomorrow
11/14/00
Whose vote counts today?
Our patience wears thin
Will the president owe his
win
to a Florida state judge?
Our patience wears thin
The country looks south
to a Florida state judge
Will the deadline he extend?
The country looks south
The world holds its breath
Will the deadline he extend
to pregnant chads, butterfly
wings?
The world holds its breath
Will the president owe his
win
to pregnant chads, butterfly
wings?
Whose vote counts today?
12/6/00
It starts
with a word
oozing
through my pores like sweat
or beads
that drip down the side of an ice-filled glass
into
my open hand
Oozing
through my pores like sweat
words
follow one another in a salty stream
into
my open hand
cupping
life's experience
Words
follow one another in a salty stream
coalescing
in unexpected pools
cupping
life's experience
a flow
of meaning unknown until now
Coalescing
in unexpected pools
or beads
that drip down the side of an ice-filled glass
a flow
of meaning unknown until now
It starts
with a word
10/7/01
And so it begins
Another war against a helpless
people
More bombs dropped in the
name of democracy
Or anti-terrorism or "infinite
justice" or just because
Another war against a helpless
people
For what? To get one man they
declare The Enemy?
Or anti-terrorism or "infinite
justice" or just because
To fight hatred you breed
more hatred, is that it?
For what? To get one man they
declare The Enemy?
Yet bombs kill people not
one person or an "ism" or ideas
To fight hatred you breed
more hatred, is that it?
There is but one weapon to
wipe out hatred: love
Yet bombs kill people not one
person or an "ism" or ideas
More bombs dropped in the
name of democracy
There is but one weapon to
wipe out hatred: love
And so it begins
10/8/01
Thirty-five
years and still we're one
How
could we have known
What
the years would bring
And
who we would become
How could
we have known
What
we thought was set in stone
And
who we would become
Was
unknowable when we were young
What
we thought was set in stone
Ebbed
and flowed like ocean tides
Was
unknowable when we were young
Yet
our bond has grown and thrived
Ebbed
and flowed like ocean tides
What
the years would bring
Yet
our bond has grown and thrived
Thirty-five
years and still we're one
1/9/03
HOPE
fuzzy
envelopes sealed shut
promise of spring contained
therein
bare branches stretch toward
sky
arms intertwined in cold embrace
promise of spring contained
therein
seeds of hope rest unseen
arms intertwined in cold embrace
can we trust the promise?
seeds of hope rest unseen
like hopes for peace, unspoken
can we trust the promise?
does the magnolia bud believe?
like hopes for peace, unspoken
bare branches stretch toward
sky
does the magnolia bud believe?
fuzzy envelopes sealed shut
©1998-2003 Patricia Lay-Dorsey. Please use with attribution.