"How can I help?"

Probably one of the greatest learnings for those of us with disabling conditions is how to request clearly--and receive graciously--the help we need. As challenging as this task is for us, the other side of it is equally challenging. As an able bodied individual, how does one know when and how to offer help to differently abled friends, loved ones and strangers.We have all heard--or been party to--stories of persons getting their heads bitten off for offering unsolicited assistance to disabled folks. But where are the stories of gratitude expressed for receiving just the right helping hand at the perfect time? Here are a few moments I remember...

Thank you for:
 

• Offering to carry my decaf latte from the coffee shop counter to my table when you saw I was using a walker.

• First asking before you helped me by pushing open the door I was having trouble with. If you had come up from behind and simply pushed, it would have thrown me off balance.

• Adjusting your pace to mine as we walked together, without making me feel uncomfortable about moving so slowly.

• Not starting up, gunning your motor, or honking when I was unable to make it across the street and up on the curb before the light turned.

• Helping me carry my walker up the steps onto the bus and then--without my asking--coming back to carry it off, even though it was not your stop.

• Letting your children play with my walker and ask me any questions they had about why I use it.

• Offering to prepare a plate and bring me a drink at the buffet dinner and the cocktail party. Then coming back later and asking if I wanted seconds or a refill.

• Asking "How can I help?" when you saw me fall...and then following my directions as best you could.

• Responding positively with words or a smile to windchime walker and her decorations when we passed on the street, in the restaurant or at the festival.

• As a friend or loved one, occasionally asking how it is going for me, living with the challenges of a chronic condition.

• Yet always seeing the disability as only one aspect of my life, not my be-all and end-all.

• Expecting me to do for myself all that I can do...and encouraging me to push the boundaries of what I think I can do.

• Helping me laugh...a lot.

©1999 Patricia Lay-Dorsey. Please use with attribution.